please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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