And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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