I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
