its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I love having hate sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
