do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize