i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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