YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
