Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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