Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
