i just wanna soil my oats bro
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
