i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
