Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
