Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we're so committed to being not committed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
