She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
