after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
