He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
