I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
