saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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