i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
