He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
