I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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