i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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