Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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