everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
