Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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