friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm too high and old for this...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
