Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
