I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
