Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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