she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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