That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
