well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Watching her eat just hurts me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
