You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I sprained my soul last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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