you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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