you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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