I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
