Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
