Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
