Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
