just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
