just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize