take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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