had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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