the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
