I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
