Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
