South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
