my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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