According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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