I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
