Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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