Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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