yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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