yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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