I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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