Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
