I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cannot find my penis.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
