dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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