We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
