Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
