Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
