2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
where are my eyebrows?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
