my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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