Got a toothbrush?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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