I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
