We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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