...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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