He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
