i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
