So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
