we have officially lost it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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