I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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