You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
