I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
