I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
