I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
