Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
