I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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