first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
