No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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