I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
