OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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