i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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