I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
