next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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