Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
