I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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