the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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