walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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