I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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