looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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